At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
