hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
