u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
