wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
