I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
