I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
