OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
