i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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