We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
This is my gift to your gina
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
