Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Randomize
