he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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