I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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