some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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