I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
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