whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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