I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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