I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Randomize
