i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
