Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
