I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Please, let me fuck your mom
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize