so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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