I swear she didn't look like that last week.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
