yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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