I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
