he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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