dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I feel like death gave me a hand job
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
