I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
