Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
