dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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