just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
