Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
