oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
