chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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