he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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