Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
