Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
