The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
