areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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