I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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