I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Who died my cat blue again?
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