You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
