Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
