make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You can't just leave with hair like that
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
