plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
