apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize