guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
