all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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