Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
