So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
