how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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