you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
