How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
