Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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