Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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