I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
