If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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