I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Randomize
