Plan B is the new Plan A
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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