So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
