Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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