So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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