Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
