the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
