i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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