please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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