8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
