So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
