How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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