If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
